Excerpts from Received 5-31-2019
I feel so lost. But it is more than that. On one level I feel very present, on another level I feel lost in the clouds, and on another level I have no idea what I am doing or what my goal is. I understand that my goal is purification, unification, and joy?
It is like a blank spot in my being of how to get there, how to achieve these goals.
It is not a thinking activity it is a feeling activity. That is why you are unable to intellectually grasp it.
How do I change from thinking?
Practice, bringing it back to you. How does this make you feel? How do you want to feel?
But how does that translate into doing?
Ah there you are again getting hung up on action, on doing. That is thinking and intellect of what makes sense to do NOW. No this is reserved in the background of feeling. You have to feel before you do. Patience.
I feel like I am forced to do do do, make a choice, make a decision, act on it, get it done. Get it done faster. I feel so useless sitting back and feeling.
That is a block. Partially your own ambition and drive and will power but also partially your culture. Write down your blocks. When you find a spot or area where you can’t feel the result or there is pain or fear or tension walk the thought process into the feeling. Find the block, pain, tension thought origin. Sit on it. That is the key. You can’t keep running or trying to doing something new because that original block will always come back up again. You need to take the time to boil down what the fear or tension is.
I commonly feel I am not good enough or that I am am stupid or that I made a mistake.
Yes those are all thoughts, but what are the feelings behind them? Those are all negative, remember that would be an Ego or attachment speaking those to you. Your higher self never speaks in that way. Your higher self never makes you feel bad. These are lessons in order to shed these lower thoughts, energies, and influences.
It feels so difficult to do, like I just can’t make it to the finish line to really shed them for good.
It is not easy and you may not be able to in this lifetime. But remember all that comes to you is for your benefit for you to work on your lessons. Your life is designed to work on your lessons and improve yourself. Your life was not designed to have you come out worse than you went in. These are all special “tests” and encounters that are little reminders of “where are you at internally”. How is that internal inner good self doing? Getting mad, frustrated, upset, working hard against something, thinking bad thoughts about someone or something? Then you know that you are not in the right flow. You don’t have to fix it right away. Sometimes just acknowledging that this doesn’t feel good or feel right is all you can do. Sometimes you don’t have time or are not able to get down to the crux of the feeling right then and there. As you get to know yourself more you may be able to get down there faster in real time but as you are learning to explore in this region it is going to take time. Meditations. Reflections. Writing down. Being honest. Setting out your feelings and their grades and when you feel them. Real self homework. Focus. Determination for the self.
I just want to feel good.
That is a wonderful goal. Many humans have that goal. They may not speak it out loud, but deep down they know that is what they want. You can feel good. It is in your DNA and in your make up. You CAN. You have felt good remember those times, you can only remember the external occurrence because at the time you did not allow yourself to hold onto the feeling of the good because you were blocked, but you can remember the moment and reflect on that. But the record of the feeling of those moments is lost because you never recorded it (in the body).
Interesting. I can feel all of this potential inside I just don’t know where to direct it. The unknown is immense.
Yes it can be. Remember the basic rules, does it feel good? Is it helping your purity? Is it helping your unity? Is it helping your joy meter? Nothing is set in stone. Assets and intellect were invested in you to propel/prop up the encounters you were to have to highlight your needs. Now once the needs have been highlighted, you have to feel them, which is difficult and a struggle, and you have to integrate them, understand them, FULLY feel them in order to “walk past them as yourself”.
Ok I understand that.
You know your mind, you have started to get to know your gut, now get to know your heart.
. . .
Nature is an experience that man has had for thousands of years. It is what we were born from. The experience of the wind, the rain, the cold, the heat, the sun, the animals, plants and minerals as the air are things that are universal to all of life on earth and the experience of entities of this surrounding environment is universal. Universal from those who live in Egypt and the deserts to Antarctica. Think of those who have felt the same thing as you. And years and generations beyond will experience the same thing.
I get the sense that these are moments of unifying and unification with other sentient beings on Earth.
Yes it is one aspect of those experiences. Understanding that you are not alone in your feelings and emotions and that others have seen with their eyes the clouds and sky and with their skin have felt the same breeze and with their hears have heard rain before and also thought “wow this feels amazing” Or “this storm is dangerous” it has nothing to do with gains or loses or materialism or the inner self. Well it does have something to do with the inner self, but just recognizing that humanity as a whole has a wonderful bouquet of experiences that we ALL no matter if you are good or bad old or young black or white, English speaking or non English speaking have all felt and wondered at. The sun and its rays are eternal (or so it seems, but not) and have touched humanity from the beginning. The experience of nature is imbedded in all our DNA, it is a basic unifying experience from our ancestors to today. Despite today’s technology and urbanization or agriculture, nothing can take away those original simple experiences of humanity and unites them with your humanity today. Those sunrays and raindrops have touched and assisted our aura/energy from the very beginning.
Yes I understand that. It is a wonderful feeling. Hearing the trees and birds and going back to my inner self and knowing that every plant, animal and person has heard, seen, and felt those experiences today and in the fast. Makes me feel a little less lost.